No Fears for Those Teenage Years

Before I had teens, I came to the realization that the majority of adults have a very negative opinion of teenagers.

People would say the craziest things to me like, "Do you realize how many teenagers you are going to have at once?" or "Enjoy life now, while your little ones have little problems-because the teen years are worse than the terrible twos!"

I started to wonder if I really was setting myself up for an awful dreaded part of my

parenting life. Thinking back on my own teen years and the "things" I did- I started to feel

sorry for my own parents and guilty of the stuff I put them through. I figured I'd just have to take my mom's approach and "pray them all through it"!

My big sis and I in 1982

But contrary to these thoughts and feelings, I was living something different from my experiences while helping alongside my husband in his job as a youth minister. These teens were spiritual and respectful and very giving. These surely weren't the awful teens I was hearing about.....from their very own parents who seemed to have been bitten by this "I hate teenagers" bug.

As my eldest was approaching his teenage years, I was holding my breath because I had such a great relationship with him it was upsetting to think of how it was all going to"end"as soon as he became a "teen".

Todd realized I was struggling with these worries and he made plenty of things clear to me. He reminded me that teens need our love and support just as much as they did as children/toddlers/babies. He also stated how he could see that many of the teens in his youth group felt as if the adults in their lives were very distanced from them. This was why they loved talking to us. Believe it or not, these teens in local high schools seemed so isolated because they were only around teens all day long. It caused them to become very self-centered because their needs weren't being met. For whatever reason, some parents were so fearful of the teenage years, they were basically giving up and allowing "others" to mold and shape their teens. (The only conclusion I could come up with was: maybe they felt societal pressures were too great to fight against.)

OOOOHHHHHHH, so

The teen years are when parents need to be the most involved and active.

Well, the light went on and I surely felt the advantage being a homeschooling family. I vowed that I would always be very involved and active in my teens' lives. I knew the outside pressures wouldn't be nearly as great because of the minimal time my teens spend

away from the family. How could you think only of yourself when you were changing your baby sister's diaper or sharing your room with a sibling much younger than yourself. It all started to make sense. The fears were erased.

Currently, I am great friends with my teens. I have four of them now and we really enjoy each other's company. They bring great joy to my life. Yes, we do have struggles as they begin "break free" from the flock-but nothing that we can't discuss and work through together. It does take both parents, as we've realized, being on the same page about discipline and spiritual matters. We are attempting to raise Saints! Why not aim high?

My advice to all of you pre-teen parents out there: talk to your spouse about your expectations for the teen years, your thoughts on dating, time spent away from home, mass attendance, spiritual needs, curfews, driver's licenses, cell phones, internet allowances, etc.

This will help make those teen years pass without the fears.

Happy TEEN Parenting!

Peace of Christ,

Angelle